Bad luck's never-ending|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 23 most recent journal entries recorded in
[ << Previous 23 ]
[ << Previous 23 ]
|Wednesday, June 8th, 2011|
Complete the word: coup__
That's right! The word is coupon. Not couple...
So another one bites the dust. There's a guy I've had a crush on for two whole weeks now. But he's married. Boom, over it. There's another guy who's a maybe. So far he only meets one criterion out of four. He's funny, but he's not sexy or rich. Not sure on how old he is... I think it's okay that I'm shallow.
The way I've been feeling lately makes me wonder if I want a relationship. 3 days ago I would have said fuck no. Because well, duh. But today... I actually spent time dreaming about cupcakes. But I couldn't tell you why. Ultimately, I love the sloppy curiosity of not knowing way more.
It may be time for an overhaul.
|Monday, June 6th, 2011|
I've been laying awake thinking about the past for what seems like a week now. And then I remembered what started the nostalgia. This is the five year yuckiversary of 6-6-06. Since I knew better than to dwell on that, I began thinking about the before. It was a wakeup call in some ways. It marked the loss of something too. Though I can't place my finger on it so perhaps not. I keep wanting to say it marks the loss of innocence, but that's not true. I was neither innocent nor pure before him. Maybe my youth, but I felt youthful up until my marriage slammed me into a wall literally. Perhaps I lost nothing that day that I haven't gotten back.
So, instead of 6/6/06... remember Carmelo's; remember poker; remember economics class; remember schlitterbahn; remember dress up; remember waking life; remember wisdom teeth; remember high school; remember prom; remember being told you're still beautiful; remember learning how to drive in your friend's car; remember... I guess it's a good thing I've rid myself of all those old photographs. Imagine how much time I would waste if I had physically held on to the past.
Today is neither a day to celebrate or mourn. It's not a day for consoling or tears. It's a day. A day in which nothing is set in stone yet. A day that will be forged by me. No wonder I don't have a boyfriend. :P
To the one person who might read this, big smiles. Just in a weird fucking mood. I promise I'm not all wrist-slitty or anything. Just needed to get the weird out without taking someone down with me.
|Monday, April 18th, 2011|
Wednesday: I brought Daisy home. I used to foster her and she went on the euth list because she jumped over the kennel wall and growled at a dog other people were paying attention to. The people picked up that dog. Way to turn that dog into a target! After rotating dogs in and out so no one could introduce on their terms instead of mine, I called my partner, Pam, for assistance. I tossed a crate in the back of my car and Daisy in the crate. I buckled Scooby in up front and away we drove to Round Rock. They did a whole barking and growling thing through the crate at first which was a little scary. But they settled in. After I got there, Pam and I did Tara's two second sniff plan. After that, we took them for a "working" walk and relaxed the leashes for them to hang out. They were ready to play so we dropped the leashes in her backyard and watched them run and play. They slept together on the dog bed so I left them out that night.
Thursday: I separated them in different rooms while I went to work. They had fun playing when I got home and I worked with Daisy some on food and door control. I let them sleep out in the bedroom together again and when I got up in the middle of the night, I went to hang out with my cat and listened to them in the bedroom alone. Scooby cried for a few minutes, and then all was quiet. Daisy got on my bed quietly while I slept and I didn't notice her until Scooby tried to climb up all loud and squirmy.
Friday: I left them alone in my room and went to work. Came home and all looked well so I gave them each some individual training work. More food control and door control for Daisy. Daisy seems to have taught Scooby how to get on my bed quietly so I woke up with a dog on either side.
Saturday: I left for work early and left them alone in the room together. I got sick while I was at work and came home and crashed. Other than dinner and potty breaks, they got nothing from me. In the middle of the night, I got up to go to the bathroom and left my bedroom door open. They found my treat bag and got into a snarl match over it. I got up and yelled at them and they stopped. Went back to bed.
Sunday: I left them in separate rooms because the growling match the night before can only happen while I'm home. I came home still sick but worked them each a little. When it was time for bed, Daisy growled to keep Scooby off the dog bed. I got up and made her get off the dog bed. Then he got on and growled when she approached. I made him get off the dog bed. Daisy got on the dog bed and Scooby curled up around her. :) I let them sleep like this for the night.
|Sunday, April 17th, 2011|
Here's to fat men... sex with a fat guy is always better. Don't know why, don't care. But here's to that.
Here's to the fat women... fat chicks have bigger boobs. We all love bigger boobs.
To the skinny people, do you want to eat some ice cream and a whole pizza with me and not gain a pound? Here's to fitting into size 2 and below... Current Mood: still here
|Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006|
If I've said it once, I've said it a million times. I live for change! Current Mood: pleased
Doody-heads! Doody-heads! Current Mood: loved
|Monday, March 13th, 2006|
There is much to hate in this world, and too much to love.
|Thursday, January 12th, 2006|
I'm lucky. Everybody cares about me. Even people that don't like me care. That's impressive.
I have such a positive outlook on the future right now, no one can effect it. No matter how he may try.
Only one class tomorrow, then a long time to study afterwards. I think I'm gonna go ahead and go to bed now before I get to talking to someone and stay up past my bedtime again.
So, here's to tomorrow. May yours be as bright or even brighter than mine. Current Mood: sleepy
|Tuesday, January 10th, 2006|
|First day of school
My classes were awesome today. No, I really mean that.
And I got to clean up the yucky stuff in my room.
And I have my internet back.
I feel like I'm a freshman again. Ready to take on the world.
On the other side, Ashleigh's (my roommate) fiance's mother had a stroke yesterday. I found out this morning. Called Mom to let her know I love her. Jason's mom is a writer. That hit too close to home. I cried, and gave her a hug. Leigh's really close to his family. I won't even think about the what if's.
Tomorrow I'm gonna eat with Eric and get caught up. And this weekend our family's playing frisbee golf. I hope that a lot of us are there. It's good hanging out with family. Last weekend I was in a hurry cuz I needed to get back to school. Being rushed to hang out with my family never works. You never leave when you plan to so it's better to just go with the flow. And that's how I plan to get to know my family better. Anyone else feel that way about their family? Like they know they're there for them no matter what, but none of them are actually close to you... Maybe it's just cuz I moved out. I guess it takes work now.
Actually, it probably always took work.... yeah.
OK, Ashleigh and I are Walmart bound. Wish me luck in not beating up any employees. Maybe I'll buy Monopoly. That's hours of entertainment. Not quite a boygame, but I don't have time for major addictions.
|Friday, January 6th, 2006|
That was a lame endgame. I'm not pissed for not gettting my way. What was my way in all that? Yes, I'm mad at myself for believing in it. For letting myself think it was someone in particular. But that couldn't be something you wanted either. Me being disappointed by it being you. Sorry.
I start a new job tomorrow. Or really it's going back to an old job that I haven't done in a while. Maybe I'll meet some new people, and make more than I thought was possible.
I got my scholarship back. I found that out yesterday when I was at the plastic surgeon's with Chris. I don't have to suck up $4000 this semester so I'm happy with that.
I like taking care of my baby. He's been really caring and lovey dovey since I picked him up from the hospital. I think he expected me to turn around and walk out on him. I think he fucked up, but it was better than getting in a fight. I've been serving his food, opening his pill bottles for him, and cleaning and redressing his hand every day. I may even clean up part of the apartment for him today.
|Thursday, January 5th, 2006|
|Tonight was too much
UT won. Nervousness through the whole fucking game, but UT won. I was jumping up and down so excited. Every single play I held my breath. Brenda and I talked during the game. Always learning more about penalties. Last championship, she was 19. She's amazingly younger than my parents. Surprising. So, that was what I found out right before the winning play of the game. Sitting down prepared for a major blow on 4th & 5. WOW!!! I almost cried when the game ended. Just so worn out from all the excitement.
Opposite end of the spectrum, Chris called when we were down 12 pts. He wanted me to come pick him up, then wait, no he'll call a cab. I'm really sorry I screwed up. Didn't want to touch that one. And he wouldn't answer when I tried to find out what happened. So, he seems really upset, but I'm grateful he's getting a cab and kinda hopeful his mom will be still be there when he comes home bc I don't deal well with Chris when he's drunk and mad. After we won, I called him cuz he still wasn't home. I was just like, "We won!" He sounded pissed, and told me, "I hope you and mom are enjoying yourselves. I'll be home in a couple of hours." OK. Sure, UT just won the national championship, and you're acting pissy towards me. Great... Brenda and I watched the ceremonies afterwards. I went outside to call Ashleigh to see if I couldn't meet up with her so I wouldn't have to be home when Chris came home. She was in Oklahoma so no go.
As soon as I walk back inside, Chris calls me. "I'm in the hospital. Seton. Can you come get me?" "What happened!?" I walked back toward my bedroom so Brenda wouldn't know what was going on. "The owner of the club hit me and I hit a glass case." OK. "Umm... I'll be right there." I start crying. Pissed off crying. Mike knocked my boyfriend into a glass case, and he's hurt. Livid. Brenda asked what was going on. So I told her in a shaky voice. We drove around looking for the hospital, and finally find Chris. I go in first. He's bleeding everywhere from his hand. I'm so dumb at this point. "You should sue." We trade out. Brenda takes me back to the apartment to get my car. When we're riding back she says, "I can't believe he would punch glass like that." "He punched the glass?" "Didn't he tell you?" Hmm... yes and no. Yes, but I didn't understand what he meant. "Not exactly." "He has such a short temper. He's just like his father sometimes. That's why Gary and I fought all the time and divorced." Oh. He does have quite the temper. He wasn't even drunk this time. He got mad and hurt himself. I appreciate that he didn't punch Mike back, but how is this any different than when I used to get mad and cut myself? It's not. That's right. I took care of him tonight. I'm not mad. Just worried. He's gotta go see a plastic surgeon tomorrow because he tore off too much skin to stitch up. All in all, a crazy night. I'll talk to him about it when he's feeling better. He's just so hurt that he missed the game and lost his job all in one night. And he didn't even do anything to get punched. UT scored a touchdown (still down by 5), and he said this was a really good game. That was all. BAM. Punched in the mouth. Cracked a tooth. He always throws chairs around, breaks stuff, throws temper tantrums when he's angry. But for the first time tonight he said, "I couldn't just let it go." Uh, duh? That's how you get. Silly, silly boy. And I'm left to be scared of him at times. Well, I'm almost past that. I just walk out on the temper tantrums. Except when they're aimed at me. Very few times. But he'll push and push until I finally deal with him. It's not like he doesn't know I won't eventually. But if I don't right away, I get dumped so I lose either way... And end vent.
And as for you, shame. Pulling me into your games. If you had balls, you'd admit who you are. Or you'd get over it. Figure it out because I'm not making time for this shit anymore. That's right, I made time for it. Time for a silly, silly girl. Thank you and good night. Current Mood: emotionally overloaded
|Wednesday, January 4th, 2006|
The game's gonna be on in 7 minutes. Woohoo! Chris' mom isn't here yet. Beginning to get really nervous. I'm just grateful that I don't have anything to drink. Football's always more fun with alcohol, but I don't wanna be drunkish around his mom.
And damn you. Oh well, I tried. When you want to, you will. Current Mood: curious
Richard (not you, richie)
This one guy whose name I can't remember right now...
I can rule off pretty much everyone on that list in some way or another. Actually, I can rule out everyone on that list in one way or another just from talking to you.
So... did I like you? EDIT: And are you on that list?
Were you ever in love with me?
There I asked it. I'm gonna put my list up soon. Promise.
I did it. I ate a whole meal of sesame chicken. Wait. Now I have. Except the broccoli. That fills you before you eat enough chicken. I am so gloriously full right now. And I'm gonna do it again tonight. Fuckin A. I'm almost done with my gay book. Rainbow Road. I'm gonna make Eric read these. He got me hooked on Jewel. I'll just return the favor. Brainwashed America. I'm sorry for my lj-whoring today. Sorta. I just need to pass the time until the game. Current Mood: full
I'm in a much better mood. I have no reason to be jealous. I'm young, pretty, and smart. And who doesn't love me? EDIT: that was rhetorical, don't answer to tell me you don't.
Today's the Rose Bowl. I'm so excited right now. I can hardly breathe. Chris' mom is coming over and we're gonna eat chicken spaghetti caserole. Chris is going up to the club because they're having a rose bowl party, and he needs to be there. Besides all the owners of the club graduated from USC and most of the managers (Chris included) graduated from UT so they've been waiting for this game for forever. I hope it's a close game. I wanna see incredible plays from both teams. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much about UT. I'm even considering putting a bet down on USC, but I don't want them to win and I don't need to be anymore nervous about the game so I guess I'll let that go.
Wow. I'm excited about football. Sucker. 6 months ago, I didn't even know any rules about the sport. I thought you had to get it through the goal for a touchdown. Endzone, what's that? Heh. I've learned such valuable information from this relationship.
So, I'm gonna go clean my apartment, and eat some lunch. 6 1/2 more hours. What will I ever do to fill that time? Current Mood: excited
It just hit me that I lost my mentor. Damnit I'm stupid mad right now. I'm gonna go drive before I put myself down any further. I'll write an uplifting entry later like I intended to. I think jealousy is stupid anyway. Current Mood: jealous
|Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006|
Woke up to throw up. That's the first time I'm ever been hungover like that. I've definitely thrown up, and even thrown up the morning after, but I've never done it entirely sober. Like TAAS day with you, Danny, we went to hang out and I was still messed up loopy. I'm impressed that it took me so long to get sick though. That was back when my body would take care of itself. Now I'm spoiled enough to want others to take care of me.
Last night would've been fun had I not said something so stupid in front of Chris. I told the house (poker game) to call John and tell him I was there. I wanted him to come play because he's easy money. Well, usually. But I knew that Chris and John at the table together would be awkward for both of them. And it sounded really rude to say "tell him I'm here." But I swear it was just because I knew he'd want to play if I was there. He didn't even end up coming, but I'm still in trouble today. I hate when I open my mouth after 3 drinks.
Highly unproductive because I bet I've thrown up most of the weight I finally gained. I was up over 100. But now I'm so sick I don't want to eat. And it takes forever to get back into it when I have days like this. Cause I'll eat maybe a meal today. Then tomorrow I won't feel hungry so I'll have to force myself to eat anything. In any event, it's just backtracking cuz I was finally up to 2 1/2 big meals and I was actually hungry for them. If I did it once, I can do it again.
Rum and coke, Dos Equis, Smirnoff (heh), tequila shots, and crown and coke. Even if I'd only done one of each, I'd have been trashed. I wonder what I felt I should run from yesterday. I can pull whatever reasoning out of my ass... but I'm disappointed in myself. It essentially made both today and yesterday a waste. I need some motivation.
Anyone got any motivating suggestions?
Okay... just threw up. I don't even know how many times that is today. And it included my only meal of Kix. I want someone to take care of me. Time to go curl up in a ball and cry. Well, maybe not. Bath, sleep, or TV? Such important decisions. Current Mood: nauseated
|Sunday, January 1st, 2006|
"Three years of a lifetime?
Three words that just might have come too soon
Three hours from somewhere
I might've ended up with you."
Who's ready to break some New Years Resolutions? Actually, I think the one I'm willing to share is too difficult to attain. I want to gain 8 lbs; that'll put me at 105. 2 months to do it. I think it may involve exercise that isn't mutually exclusive to spreading my legs. Chris is getting an exercise machine. He wants to lose 20 lbs. Maybe it'll help us both out.
By the way, my cruise is cancelled for Spring Break. I don't know what other vacation I can take. I may just drive until car parts fall out. I might even make it out of Texas. I'm bummed about that, and unreasonably pissed at Chris for it. I just wanted a real vacation. You know like the 3 he's taken so far with his friends since we got together... Grr. Letting it go. If he spends his money on himself instead of me, it doesn't mean that he doesn't love me. It just means that he sucks at saving. Short-term is all this guy can understand.
To end on a lighter note, Chris and I walked down by the water front (still in East Texas) tonight and did some stargazing. It was truly one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. I know that I'm a sucker for that kind of shit, but I know Chris was feeling that magic too. We made out at midnight, and he whispered that he loved me. So, I may be a little bit giddy about it. If I wasn't so damned tired.
We're supposed to leave here in 3 hours, but I won't get enough sleep if I do that... Considering leaving now (we're in separate SAABs), but not sure I'm awake enough too. Anyone wanna call in the next couple of hours and keep me awake, please do. Especially if you're one of my two anons. Current Mood: consumed
|Wednesday, December 28th, 2005|
I just ordered room service. That's cool. Meh. I typed in who I think the commentor is. But then I had to erase. I meant what I rambled last night while I was drunk. I'm not ready. Current Mood: hungry
|Tuesday, December 27th, 2005|
Nevermind. I don't want to post. Maybe I'll go for a walk instead.
|Saturday, December 24th, 2005|
You've created a perfect scenario with nagging doubt where when trouble comes up, you'll always be wondering if that other person will cut and run. I mean, it's been done once already, right?
Wrong. The nagging doubt is in me somewhere I'm sure. It was when I was considering whether to get back together or not, but honestly, if I doubt it, that will break us up. If he doubts us, that will break us up. So I just don't. Honestly, there's no point to it. If we break up, so be it. I've had my fair share of heart breaks, but only because I've had a helluva a lot of love in my life. That makes me feel special.
Devil's Advocate... that sounds familiar... Meh. Couldn't be.
Guess what??? I'm going to make $5000 this year. Without having to work more than just the summer. Hell, maybe I'll make more! I've been playing poker and winning for a while now. $1000 this week. I won't mention how much of that went back to Christmas presents, but that's just me. I'm getting everything I want right now. I guess Christmas is coming or something like that.
Merry Christmas all you happy little people who have been keeping up with me! Current Mood: satisfied